i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
