it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize