yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
