Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
