I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
