I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
