Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
