oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
