so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
