I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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