Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
