i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
