good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can I color on your dick again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
