there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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