i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
