If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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