If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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