I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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