dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
