Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
