I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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