I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
