First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
