Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
