I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize