the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
