Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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