My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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