Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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