I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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