Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize