Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
