Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
