My balls are so social today.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
