Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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