I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
