woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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