the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
