he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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