3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
