First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
