I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize