Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
