I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I supernannyed him into submission
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
