We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
