Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
