my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
