so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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