Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
