I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
