I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
