To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
