You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
