I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
