is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
