Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize