It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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