I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
