Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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