everyone is single if you try hard enough
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
