thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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