I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
