I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
