He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
