I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
