I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
