My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
