I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
