I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
