I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
