My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
