We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize