A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
