I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize