Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
