So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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