i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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