Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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