Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
