why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I love you. Go after that dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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