after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
