He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
