he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
