The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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