She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
